


wonder if better now having survived

by aletterinthenameofsanity



Series: the odds were never in our favor [8]
Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hunger Games Setting, Backstory, Dark, Grief/Mourning, Pre-Canon, Sibling Bonding, Survivor Guilt, bleak ending, hargreeves siblings are victors of the games, well they're not siblings in this 'verse but still
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-25
Updated: 2019-03-25
Packaged: 2019-11-29 07:20:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18219977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aletterinthenameofsanity/pseuds/aletterinthenameofsanity
Summary: Luther gets home and he quits being a Peacekeeper after a year on the force, and his cat- Crest- goes missing. He gets another one, names it Lacey, and it only last two weeks before going missing.So he gets another. And another. And he just keeps going.There is such denial involved in this continuing on, in knowing what’s going to happen to his cats but persisting in naming them, giving them identities, turning them into memorials.-Of the Victors Luther considers his friends, for whatever that means, Diego is the one who is actively grieving the dead.See, Five’s a killer with a plan, Allison and Klaus are escapists trying to survive the present, Ben’s actively in denial about his Games and what he had to do there, and Vanya’s still trying to find her footing in the Capitol as its newest Victor.Luther and Diego, though- they dwell on the past, on grieving the dead. They exist together, understanding that self-destructive urge to shoulder every death themselves. Luther remembers the names; Diego tattoos tallies into the skin by his hip. He has a tally mark for every tribute he’s killed, marked in red, and every tribute he’s failed to save, marked in black.





	wonder if better now having survived

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from "Angel of Small Death & the Codeine Scene" by Hozier.
> 
> So, this is shorter than most of the other "full" stories in this series, but I think it fits so I'm going to leave it like this. I hope you guys like it!

_The problem with surviving was that you ended up with the ghosts of everyone you’d ever left behind riding on your shoulders._

**_-Paolo Bacigalupi_ **

 

In Luther’s Games, the first day seems so ordinary. The Arena is nothing too strange- an oblong valley with walls as high and as long as the eye could see, the walls littered with caves, some big, some small, along strangely layered terraces and small rock outcroppings and overhanging trees and vines and a dozen different ways to climb to the caves.

Luther’s not the smartest guy in the room, but he’s no fool. He was trained by Two’s Academies, ended up getting ranked Second in his class most likely to win the Games and bring honor to the District (only next to Lacey, his female partner in the Arena this year). He knows that the Gamemakers always have a rhyme to their plans, that there are always, _always_ tricks to Arenas- it's the number one thing they hammer into you after you've proven your worth with weapons.

So Luther grabs his weapon from the Cornucopia- a mace- takes out a tribute or two from the Outlier Districts- then grabs for his pre-Game-determined allies- Lacey and the female tribute from 4 named Crest. (Crest’s partner, Rory, their other planned ally, had gone down in the Bloodbath, killed by a particularly strong blow from a panicked outlier from Seven.) They head for a cave, taking out a few tributes along the way- Lacey and Crest are wicked with their spears- and then camp for the night with a bag of food and survival supplies from the Cornucopia at their feet.

Luther likes their chances for whatever's going on, but that doesn't stop the dread building in his stomach. There's something about the caves that he knows is important but that he can't figure out, something that's keeping him here for just long enough to figure things out.

And then dawn rises on the second day, and Lacey is out hunting, for game or Tributes Luther doesn’t know, but her spear is gone and he knows that that’s her weapon of choice. He doesn't think much of it- their alliance is set to last until the Final Eight before either of them will betray each other- but he keeps his eyes open. He doesn't want to die when he can prevent it.

But then the metal spikes start to fall, and Luther can hear so many screams and then cannon booms, and Luther understands why there are so many caves, why the world is shaped like a bowl and there's nowhere to run.

That next night, seven tributes end up in the sky, including Lacey. Luther and Crest stare up at the sky and understand the significance of the faces, combined with last night's deaths.

In two days of Games, they are already down to the Final Ten.

* * *

Luther has watched so many children die in the years since his Games. Starting with his own Games, projected at his Victor's Interview, and lasting until the Seventy Fifth Games, where he’s pulled in again.

He has been told for years that there is honor in winning the Games for District 2, but then he gets back to District 2 and he joins the Peacekeepers, as many Victors of 2 have done.

He tries to find fulfillment in his job, in crushing the hopes of District 2, in fulfilling the goals of the Capitol. And it somewhat works, enough for him to be able to believe the ideas of honor. 

And then he returns to the Capitol for the Sixty Sixth Games, and he watches even more children die. He watches as he fails to save them, as the tribute from Four- the fourteen-year-old, who never should have been a threat despite the fact that he's a Career- takes out Luther's tributes and is gifted what just might be the most expensive Gift in the history of the Games.

The Games are bloody and destructive, which Luther has always known, but this time Luther has to  _watch_  as his tributes- the ones he mentored, the ones that were the best in the Academy, blond-haired Kala and crooked-nosed Jon- die bloody deaths that he has no power to prevent, deaths that seem to have no fucking point. He can't get the video of those children's slashed throats out of his brain, can't quite erase the image of them lying on the sand, blood turning brown on the beach around them.

So Luther gets home and he quits being a Peacekeeper after a year on the force, and his cat- Crest- goes missing. He gets another one, names it Lacey, and it only last two weeks before going missing.

So he gets another. And another. And he just keeps going.

There is such denial involved in this continuing on, in knowing what’s going to happen to his cats but persisting in naming them, giving them identities, turning them into memorials.

-

Luther returns to the Capitol for the Sixty Seventh Games and he begins to get close to Diego, the Victor from District Ten who won the Games two years before Luther did.

Diego killed more people than Luther did, by one. In District 2, that would be considered a slight on Luther’s honor, that an outlier Victor killed more than Luther did.

But from one Victor to another, here in the Capitol, where each Victor knows that they are all still tributes trying to survive another Arena, that they’re all killers who did horrible things to make it out of their Games- Luther doesn’t take it as much of a slight to his honor as the other Peacekeepers back home kept telling him it was.

Diego and Luther constantly bicker in the Mentor room, poke and prod at each other, and then they get drunk together each night that they end up with a finished Games and two more dead tributes.

Oh, they’re not close and kind like Allison and Klaus are. They don’t support each other with nice words and hugs and card games- Diego and Klaus often actually found in a gym in the Capitol, sparring, in the weeks they’re required to be in the Capitol during the year between the Games- but there is a sense of combative respect between them. They understand each other in a way very few Victors consent to do.

Of the Victors Luther considers his friends, for whatever that means, Diego is the one who is not only sober, but also the one actively grieving the dead.

See, Five’s a killer with a plan, Allison and Klaus are escapists trying to survive the present, Ben’s actively in denial about his Games and what he had to do there, and Vanya’s still trying to find her footing in the Capitol as its newest Victor.

Luther and Diego, though- they dwell on the past, on grieving the dead. They exist together, understanding that self-destructive urge to shoulder every death themselves. Luther remembers the names; Diego tattoos tallies into the skin by his hip, only visible when he pulls off his shirt to change between bouts. He has a tally mark for every tribute he’s killed, marked in red, and every tribute he’s failed to save, marked in black.

They both have their ways to create memorials.

- 

Every Victor Luther considers his friend, at least in a way, has won their Games with dishonor, have won by cowardice or betrayal or poisoning their partner or changing the Arena itself. (The only one that could be considered even remotely honorable was Diego's win, because he only used the knife he stole from the Career's Camp the first night to make his kills, but the fact that he ran from the Cornucopia is enough to put him on Two's radar for dishonor.)

But then again- so did Luther. He used the metal spikes that the Gamemakers were using to winnow tributes in order to achieve his Victory. When his mace broke, he used the Arena itself to win. 

After every Games, as Luther gathers more dishonorable Victors as his not-quite-friends, he and Diego drink on the roof of Luther's apartment.

They're not like Five, drowning his sorrows in order to keep from getting distracted from his tech work, or Klaus, trying to numb his pain.

No- Luther and Diego drink once a year, and they turn each sip, each shot, into a memorial for the dead.

"So," Diego says, after Vanya has won the Games, "How do you think the fuckers in your District will react to this one?"

Their words aren't kind. They aren't sympathetic. They're angry and grieving and honest.

Luther is paraded around during interviews for each Games and Victory Tour as a hero, a perfect specimen of a Victor. Diego is seen as the perfect example of what an Outlier Victor can aspire to be- sharp without undermining the Gamemakers, winning on strength and skill alone without cleverness.

"It's a dishonorable win," Luther says, gulping down a shot. "If she wasn't an orphan, I'd be worried."

"They'd kill her whole family and any of her friends," Diego agrees, taking a sip of alcohol. "She got a partner back home, a boyfriend or girlfriend they can hurt?"

"Not from the interviews," Luther says, looking out at the roofs of the capitol. He can hear strains of their strange, electronic music in the distance, as well as the multi-colored lights that drain more power in a night than his District gets in a month.

(The Capitol drains power from the Districts and life from their children- that's a cycle that's never going to stop.)

"Good," Diego says, "Hargreeves is bound to pick her up for the science division because of the stunt she pulled and if she doesn't have anyone to hurt she'll be okay for a decent enough time."

"No more deaths to count to the Victors this year," Luther says.

Diego nods. "Thank shit."

Luther knows that tomorrow morning he and Diego will be in the gym, pounding on each other in the name of "training," trying to find some way to feel even remotely okay with the grief. Luther knows that it's self-destructive, in a kind of way, but sparring makes them both feel better so they do it.

Luther raises his shot glass to Diego. "To keeping it to twenty-three."

Diego snorts and clinks his against Luther's. "To keeping it to twenty-three."

They both down their shots, and then, like usual, Luther begins to recite the twenty-three names of the dead tributes from this year's Games, which should be the only deaths associated with Vanya's name, if everything goes well.

_Lux. Silk. District 1._

_Pax. Helen. District 2._

_Hertz. Amp. District 3._

_Teagan. Rol. District 4._

_Jakob. District 5._

_Ty. Bond. District 6._

_Lily. Nat. District 7._

_Kara. James. District 8._

_Wicker. Naomi. District 9._

_Raoul. Lovina. District 10._

_Heather. Haven. District 11._

_River. Shale. District 12._

Twenty-three more deaths to the Capitol's name- the bare minimum that could result from the Games. No deaths for blackmail, no deaths for family members.

Luther's almost thankful for the reprieve.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you all enjoyed this story. Feel free to leave a comment if you liked this little prologue or even if you didn't! I'm open to constructive criticism as much as I am positive comments!


End file.
